Thanksgiving -Take Two

I actually tried to write yesterday, except blogger was having kittens and would freeze up every time I touched the keyboard. So, hopefully, I can remember what I was going to write.

A month ago or so, I realized that I don't live here. I breathe and pay rent in San Francisco, but I don't actually live here, to the point that I don't even have a hair dresser. And so, I decided to pay attention to here. And I think that I just needed permission, as we do, in order to let go and move on.

I am not saying that it is easy, or that I don't still have terrible days of depression or anything like that. But I have allowed myself to move from there was perfect and this place is bad to that place was lame and this place is pretty good. Just heads up, Portland people, I'll be dissing you for awhile.

Yesterday, I had 8 people over for Thanksgiving. I invited more, but three didn't make it. I spent three days cooking and had a fantastic time. I had lots of people over, we had a lot of food, I even printed a menu, which was quite over the top. Although the printing did allow me to stop adding to it, or who knows what else we might have had.

It felt a little like the Thanksgivings we used to have, when the kids were little, in Portland with all my momma friends. I had some friends from Portland come down, and I had friends who were here last year, and I had a bunch more friends. I think that the sense of place comes from the continuity of people and activities over time. Every time I have lived in the Bay Area, it has been with a new set of people. Finally, I have had a recurring set of people experience. In Portland, whenever I came back, it was always to the same group of people, the same core. and that was always the experience of "live here" that happened in Portland.

I think that I might start having that here. I think that here can be all those things that Portland has been, in terms of continuity. I think that this house, that I wanted because it is such a wonderful place for entertaining, and I set up to entertain in, might finally become the busy place I wanted. It has been a very nice sanctuary while I have been recovering. But I think I am ready to start letting in the light, too.