Greetings,
I am pleased to report to you that schooling at this time continues to be where the Holy Spirit needs me, and my family, to be. We have settled into this life with remarkably little difficulty. (That said, I am indeed procrastinating a paper this very moment.)
As for Shannon, his work continues, and he has been interviewing with some other companies. He is in no danger of losing his job, but the nature of his career is such that he is always aware of the possibility of new opportunities.
The children have blossomed here. Due to my own class schedule, this secretly over-protective mother had to teach them to walk home from school by themselves three days a week. After some heart stopping anxiety, and the purchasing of watches, I am so pleased with the initiative and joy they take in this responsibility. It does not hurt matters that they have charmed several shopkeepers along the way and that they are able to walk through the north-west corner of the UC Berkeley campus. In case you have never had the pleasure of wandering through the campus, that particular corner is home to a nicely maintained stream, replete with small minnows, creeping creatures and crawfish. There is a crawfish living in a mixing bowl on my kitchen counter right now. I have asked that he be released back into his home tomorrow. Francis has begun clarinet lessons at school. She has an innate musical talent that neither her father nor I possess. I must remind myself to honor that, and pay for more lessons. My son, my stubborn young man, has discovered the adventurer in himself. He is continually offering up new things to try and explore. It has been a living example of the faith of a mustard seed. For I had little faith in his ability and so he had none for himself. A sprinkling of water has yielded fruit neither of us knew was there.
My own assimilation is somewhat more complex, but in that strange way that abundant blessings can bring about a flush of guilt. I have so many people holding me up in prayer and seeing the potential of my ministry that I have commented to one lovely woman that I wonder that any work is getting done. I have met many people that hold a conviction of their ministry in their hearts, but I have heard no other story like my own; that it feels like half a diocese is holding that conviction as well. Part of our orientation group work was to consider and address all that we have left behind to be here. I don't feel that I have left anything behind. I feel like the Verizon guy, with a whole network walking around right behind me, making sure that God can "hear me now." I wonder what that must feel like, to feel isolated and alone. And I have certainly had those feelings, but even though I am not here with the bishops blessing,I know that in their proper time, like next spring, those details will resolve. I know many other people who are here with that blessing, even someone from our own diocese, who does not seem to have her own Verizon network. Still, I feel no pride in this, for I know this is the way for me because my faith is too weak to do it any other way.
I have other horns of plenty as well. I am bringing a wealth, for a seminarian, of liturgical practice. I have been in 4 diocese and 5 parishes, plus several other parishes I visited once either while searching, or invited by friends or for some liturgical celebration. I have been blessed with a small parish and a generous clergy and laity who have always been open to my desire and need to explore the liturgy. I have truly been given a gift of the prayer book and a directive, "if it doesn't say no, ok." combined with the theological underpinnings of the various ways I have tried or wanted to try church. And the Lay Preaching School. Jim Belt may be bathing in the tears I cried, but I know liturgical posture (the technical term we learned today) and I know why it matters and I have had it ground into my bodily memory. I would never have been able to get through that learning in this environment. It is not the safely of a mother's womb, although some have tried to explain seminary as that safe place.
And if that wasn't enough, I have a place in the larger life of the diocese. That I have been invited or allowed to attend convention and various seminars and conferences around the diocese is a true blessing. I have met and connected with people from farther afield than my own parish and I have an honest understanding of the uniqueness of St. David's, and of any individual parish in the context of a larger diocesan church. The work that has become my passion with the Commission to End Racism in our diocese has broadened the scope and breadth of my understanding of the work of the church. We do not sustain without liturgy, but liturgy is not the only work of the church either. The interfaith dialogues that I have had, and the ecumenical friendships that I have made engaging in Daybreak Ministries and the Southeast Portland Interfaith Bible Day Camp have only contributed to the broader Christianity that I practice and have served to underscore the uniqueness of the Anglican Tradition.
Without all of this, I would have no sense of my call in the context of Christ's church and how that is different than simply feeling called by God for something. Without all of these experiences I don't know how I would have been able to discern that I am called to rally the troops more than to lead the battle, so to speak. Without all of these experiences, I wouldn't be so clear that what God is building in me is a compassionate leader to soothe and build up and challenge the christians in their community, to give them the push out the door to do God's work. I don't have the strength of will or character to be a deacon, when it comes right down to it. As much as I love to immerse myself in the rubber meets the road ministry, it eats me right up. And that is a sad thing to admit, because I want to be the kind of person that does the work. I think a priest is more like the scared kid who is holding the flag, however. And as I sheepishly pointed out the other day, my talent is standing in the front of the crowd and looking like I know what I am doing.
It is getting late into the evening, and I have scheduled myself a workshop for most of tomorrow on something that I think will be of benefit to our diocese, a discussion of latino spirituality and worship by The Rev. Anthony Guillen, staff officer for Latino Ministries in the Episcopal Church. And there is still that paper to write.
Ellen and I spoke, last month, about in informal meeting for us at her house on Saturday evening, the 27th. I will be in town for the next Seeing the Face of God in Each Other training. If some arranging went on about that possibility, I would love to see everyone, even for just a brief visit.
Blessings Abundant,
heather lee
