I have completed my first semester of seminary. It has been a fruitful if sometimes baffling experience. Like many of life’s events – we can listen with our intellect all we want, but until we start, we really don’t understand what they are all about. Seminary has had several of these life lessons for me.
“It’s a full time job.”
I have apparently forgotten what a full time job is like. Somehow, I thought that seminary was going to involve a respite. How much better can life get when your work is to read books you love? Plus, I thought that my 20 hour a week ministry, my 20 hour a week school volunteering, my 20 hour a week managerial job, and my full time family commitments would prepare me for any problems I might face in balancing life and school. This has not been the case. Consequently, many things that I had hoped to do, such as write these letters home more frequently, have been lost in the confusion.
“You must work to maintain your spiritual life.”
I must admit this sounded like complete foolishness to my pre-seminary self. I am in seminary. All of my work and the people around me are engaged in the spiritual life-right? Wrong. I am disappointed to report that when the Bible is required reading, it isn’t any more enlightening than the phone book. Seminary is not three years of monastic retreat, which was my fanciful imagination. Seminary is graduate school, with all the accompanying lectures on plagiarism and citing your source. It has been very hard to hear the Holy Sprit here; she is no academic! At one point, someone asked my how my relationship with God was and I was appalled to hear myself answer truthfully, “We aren’t on speaking terms.”
‘Seminary isn’t time out.”
It took me some time to realize this one. In many ways for me, it is time out. I am not working with the homeless, I am not writing sermons, and I am not offering spiritual guidance to anyone. Still, the ordinary and extraordinary parts of life are still happening. I still have to pay the car insurance. My children still want (and have gotten) a dog. My daughter is having braces put on and we are applying for her Middle School. Birthdays and anniversaries are still flowing by. It is important to remember and honor all of these things in their season and not forget them because I feel that I am in a time out.
I have learned a lot this semester. While I should perhaps not admit this, most of what I learned wasn’t Koine Greek, Christian History, or the genealogies of the Old Testament. I have learned that the relationships really do matter most. The spaces between me and my daughter, between me and you, are the places where God truly reveals himself to us. Keeping those spaces open and healthy and clean keep God present with us, and that work is more important that how to decline Greek nouns or where the chalice sits on the corporal. In old relationships, the comfort of God is found. In new relationships, the wonder of God is waiting. So my friends, both old and new, I offer up this hard earned wisdom from the CDSP seminary – call someone you didn’t get to see over the holidays and say hello or someone you met at a party and felt joy with. See how God moves in your life.
Blessings,
Heather Lee - Epiphany 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Steadfast Love is yours O Lord
don't preach alot these days, but this was from last sunday. the most amazing blessed thing happened. father john had to explain to all the new faces why i was preaching-they didn't know me. h
“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.” For some of us, this election is payment for our deeds. For some of us who have worked towards civil rights, for a few years, for a few decades, since our birth, we feel as though God has blessed that work. Not because Democrins or Republicats have come into power, but because that which could never happen, a black man named Hussein, got elected and sworn into the White House.
Now I’ve been in the Bay Area, so I am sure that they are a little more crazy there than the rest of the country, but what I have seen there I have also seen on the television. A lot of people are acting like everything is going to be back to normal in no time flat. But that is too much hope and not enough reality talking. The truth is, no stimulus bailout tax-cut tax-hike cut across party lines is going to save us from the next few years. We will yet be repaid for our deeds. We will be repaid for our unchecked desire to make money and our collective illusion that Jay Leno is living a middle class lifestyle and I can too.
“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.”
Administrations come and go.
And yet, the Lord is still with us.
Christ is still with us.
The work is still with us. There is a lot of work to do.
We read a passage from Jonah today. And while it wasn’t my favorite part of Jonah’s tale, it is nevertheless, and entirely appropriate passage for us today. God sends Jonah across the face of the city crying “Repent! Turn back! Look what you are doing! This city is going to be undone!” Jonah may well be walking across our city, our country, even now. We see Jonah in situations where homes have been lost, jobs have been lost, savings have been lost. We hear Jonah in our own fear and uncertainty about our own security. None of us are exempt from either the fear or the blame. We have all benefited in the economic ponzi scheme of the last few decades. We have taken advantage of the unstable mortgages, either to buy our own homes or to build our retirement accounts from the bundling schemes. We have put our personal money into them, we have put our company’s money into them, we have put our government’s money into them and we have put our church’s money into them. We are in Ninevah, right now. Jonah is walking through the city.
So what can we do about it? Our story says that Ninevah repented and God relented. Now, the Scripture implies that the entire town of Ninevah repented. But I doubt it. God is a complete softie where we are concerned. Look at Noah. Look at Sodom. God turns his wrath for even the one. Does that mean that we here at St. David’s can pull out some sackcloth and ashes and this little band of the faithful can turn around the entire world economy? No. When we face the consequences of our actions, we get what God needs for us, not what we want for ourselves.
“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.”
We here at St. David’s have access to that steadfast love. We have faith in it. It gives us peace. We are no different than anyone else in the country right now. We worry about our jobs, our homes, our savings and retirement income. We worry about our children and their future. But in the midst of that fear, we also have release.
There are many who do not have that release. As we live out the next few years, people we know are going to see that release and they are going to ask why we are not afraid. We need to be ready to tell them. We need to be ready to help them.
Because when the hope is gone, when the change is imperfect, people will be in need, both in their physical lives and their spiritual lives. We have much work to do to be ready for them.
The present form of this world is passing away, Paul tells us. We don’t have the secret answers to what the new form will be, but we know that Christ is with us no matter what. When our deed is faith, and some days that is the hardest thing to do, we are repayed with Christ.
“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.”
So what does Christ have to offer us in today’s Gospel?
“As Jesus passed along the sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and Andrew casting nets in the sea-for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, Come follow me, I will make you fishers of men. And they went. A little ways off they say James and John, mending nets, for they too were fishermen. And Jesus called to them, Come follow me, and they did.”
We are all fishermen, from the highest to the lowest, we are all trying to feel safe in a large complicated world and we are all trying to keep our families safe. That fear made us greedy for security the sea does not offer. We are all in the same boat. Christian and non-Christian. Securities brokers and farm laborers. We are all in the same boat. We are all floating in the same sea.
What does Christ call us to do? Get out of the boat.
Christ invites us to stop trying to build our foundations on the sea, to stop trying to create safety in the ebb and flow of the tide, the chaos of life. When our safely is in God, even though financial markets will rise and fall, even though our lives will be easier some days, harder others, our emotions do not have to answer all of life’s difficult questions. We do not have to be the prime mover, the God, of our own lives, he can do the worrying and we can rest in the surety that whatever it is, it shall pass, however good it is, it is a gift. We can get out of the boat and stand on the land.
When Jesus called out, he did not say, The kingdom of God draws near-stand close to me. He said repent and believe in the Good News. He said, Come, I will make you fishers of men. What he did, was teach some people how to get onshore and immediately ask of them to turn around – do not head upland to safety- turn around and help someone else off the boat. We have the same responsibility to help people off the boat of uncertainty and fear as James and Simon. Sometimes that boat feels like a floaty ring in swimming pool and sometimes it feels like the Titanic, but the responsibility is the same.
We too have lost jobs and houses and savings. But we have our hope in Christ, not in the sea, not in ourselves. We were given to gift of safety, of peace. We have been led off the boat and we can, we must, give that gift to others. Amen.
“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.” For some of us, this election is payment for our deeds. For some of us who have worked towards civil rights, for a few years, for a few decades, since our birth, we feel as though God has blessed that work. Not because Democrins or Republicats have come into power, but because that which could never happen, a black man named Hussein, got elected and sworn into the White House.
Now I’ve been in the Bay Area, so I am sure that they are a little more crazy there than the rest of the country, but what I have seen there I have also seen on the television. A lot of people are acting like everything is going to be back to normal in no time flat. But that is too much hope and not enough reality talking. The truth is, no stimulus bailout tax-cut tax-hike cut across party lines is going to save us from the next few years. We will yet be repaid for our deeds. We will be repaid for our unchecked desire to make money and our collective illusion that Jay Leno is living a middle class lifestyle and I can too.
“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.”
Administrations come and go.
And yet, the Lord is still with us.
Christ is still with us.
The work is still with us. There is a lot of work to do.
We read a passage from Jonah today. And while it wasn’t my favorite part of Jonah’s tale, it is nevertheless, and entirely appropriate passage for us today. God sends Jonah across the face of the city crying “Repent! Turn back! Look what you are doing! This city is going to be undone!” Jonah may well be walking across our city, our country, even now. We see Jonah in situations where homes have been lost, jobs have been lost, savings have been lost. We hear Jonah in our own fear and uncertainty about our own security. None of us are exempt from either the fear or the blame. We have all benefited in the economic ponzi scheme of the last few decades. We have taken advantage of the unstable mortgages, either to buy our own homes or to build our retirement accounts from the bundling schemes. We have put our personal money into them, we have put our company’s money into them, we have put our government’s money into them and we have put our church’s money into them. We are in Ninevah, right now. Jonah is walking through the city.
So what can we do about it? Our story says that Ninevah repented and God relented. Now, the Scripture implies that the entire town of Ninevah repented. But I doubt it. God is a complete softie where we are concerned. Look at Noah. Look at Sodom. God turns his wrath for even the one. Does that mean that we here at St. David’s can pull out some sackcloth and ashes and this little band of the faithful can turn around the entire world economy? No. When we face the consequences of our actions, we get what God needs for us, not what we want for ourselves.
“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.”
We here at St. David’s have access to that steadfast love. We have faith in it. It gives us peace. We are no different than anyone else in the country right now. We worry about our jobs, our homes, our savings and retirement income. We worry about our children and their future. But in the midst of that fear, we also have release.
There are many who do not have that release. As we live out the next few years, people we know are going to see that release and they are going to ask why we are not afraid. We need to be ready to tell them. We need to be ready to help them.
Because when the hope is gone, when the change is imperfect, people will be in need, both in their physical lives and their spiritual lives. We have much work to do to be ready for them.
The present form of this world is passing away, Paul tells us. We don’t have the secret answers to what the new form will be, but we know that Christ is with us no matter what. When our deed is faith, and some days that is the hardest thing to do, we are repayed with Christ.
“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.”
So what does Christ have to offer us in today’s Gospel?
“As Jesus passed along the sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and Andrew casting nets in the sea-for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, Come follow me, I will make you fishers of men. And they went. A little ways off they say James and John, mending nets, for they too were fishermen. And Jesus called to them, Come follow me, and they did.”
We are all fishermen, from the highest to the lowest, we are all trying to feel safe in a large complicated world and we are all trying to keep our families safe. That fear made us greedy for security the sea does not offer. We are all in the same boat. Christian and non-Christian. Securities brokers and farm laborers. We are all in the same boat. We are all floating in the same sea.
What does Christ call us to do? Get out of the boat.
Christ invites us to stop trying to build our foundations on the sea, to stop trying to create safety in the ebb and flow of the tide, the chaos of life. When our safely is in God, even though financial markets will rise and fall, even though our lives will be easier some days, harder others, our emotions do not have to answer all of life’s difficult questions. We do not have to be the prime mover, the God, of our own lives, he can do the worrying and we can rest in the surety that whatever it is, it shall pass, however good it is, it is a gift. We can get out of the boat and stand on the land.
When Jesus called out, he did not say, The kingdom of God draws near-stand close to me. He said repent and believe in the Good News. He said, Come, I will make you fishers of men. What he did, was teach some people how to get onshore and immediately ask of them to turn around – do not head upland to safety- turn around and help someone else off the boat. We have the same responsibility to help people off the boat of uncertainty and fear as James and Simon. Sometimes that boat feels like a floaty ring in swimming pool and sometimes it feels like the Titanic, but the responsibility is the same.
We too have lost jobs and houses and savings. But we have our hope in Christ, not in the sea, not in ourselves. We were given to gift of safety, of peace. We have been led off the boat and we can, we must, give that gift to others. Amen.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
January 8, 2009
Reflections for Discernment Committee
Seminary:
Seminary has been an interesting
resolution of expectations and reality. I had this monastic vision of
formation and discernment with lots of really practical, hands on
sorts of work. I got regular old graduate school. After I got my
philosophy degree, I chose not to continue with graduate work in that
field because I didn’t feel that academic papers on abstract topics
were going to be useful in “real life.” While I am pleased to
find that I still know how to do academic research, it is still a
soul sucking endeavor with little to recommend.
There has been an expectation of
visiting many different churches for the first year. I have found
this extremely difficult. I very much have a vision of church that
involves doing the work in front of you in your local parish, as
neighborhood, and then doing other work, in my case at the diocesan
level, but it could be other things, that expand that circle of
mission and ministry. I am not much for church shopping-I don’t
have a list. Even in the process that led us to the Episcopal Church,
there wasn’t an overt list; such as I want a good children’s
program, Eucharistic liturgy, or fulfilling mission. I wanted
something that was near where I live. I wanted something that felt
authentic, such an overused word, and something that is very
important to me- I wanted to feel like I could actually go to the
church with my problems. (When I am being silly, a perfect church is
reflected in the Cheers theme song. Look up the whole lyrics, they
are actually hilarious.)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Lay License Renewal Letter
Haven't seen the license come back yet. Hoping it is at the parish.
I am applying for a renewal of my lay licensing. I am still performing these duties and privileges for my parish even though I am in seminary at this time. Each of these licenses – as a Eucharistic Minister, Lay Preacher and Lay Reader, are integral to my ministry in the St. David of Wales community.
As a Eucharistic Minister, I pass the chalice during communion and accompany the rector on visitations. I am deeply honored to be called by our Lord to nurture the communal bonds of affection in our parish in this way. The benefits to my own spiritual growth are multitude.
I am particularly moved in my calling as a Lay Preacher. This gift is truly of God’s own making and the discerning of community that He shares through me is born out of the actions of community in mission and ministry.
I have made use of my license in Lay Reading to offer prayer services and liturgical formation in our congregations many times in the past. Among my proudest uses of this ministry have been to offer Morning Prayer in conjunction with supply priests while our own rector offered his expertise in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I have also used my training in this ministry to assist in creating liturgies for use in the Sudanese Christian Fellowship that meets in our parish. I hope to stand ready to offer these services when I am able during my seminary formation as well.
The opportunity to explore my call to priesthood through these ministries is a gift that was granted and supported by my parish. The ability to continue to do so, even though I am in school, is a gift to them in return.
Humbly,
Heather Lee
St. David of Wales Episcopal Church
Epiphany 2009
I am applying for a renewal of my lay licensing. I am still performing these duties and privileges for my parish even though I am in seminary at this time. Each of these licenses – as a Eucharistic Minister, Lay Preacher and Lay Reader, are integral to my ministry in the St. David of Wales community.
As a Eucharistic Minister, I pass the chalice during communion and accompany the rector on visitations. I am deeply honored to be called by our Lord to nurture the communal bonds of affection in our parish in this way. The benefits to my own spiritual growth are multitude.
I am particularly moved in my calling as a Lay Preacher. This gift is truly of God’s own making and the discerning of community that He shares through me is born out of the actions of community in mission and ministry.
I have made use of my license in Lay Reading to offer prayer services and liturgical formation in our congregations many times in the past. Among my proudest uses of this ministry have been to offer Morning Prayer in conjunction with supply priests while our own rector offered his expertise in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I have also used my training in this ministry to assist in creating liturgies for use in the Sudanese Christian Fellowship that meets in our parish. I hope to stand ready to offer these services when I am able during my seminary formation as well.
The opportunity to explore my call to priesthood through these ministries is a gift that was granted and supported by my parish. The ability to continue to do so, even though I am in school, is a gift to them in return.
Humbly,
Heather Lee
St. David of Wales Episcopal Church
Epiphany 2009
January 6, 2009
(no reply to this letter)
January 6, 2009
Assisting Bishop ---
11800 SW Military Lane
Portland, OR 97219
Dear Bishop ---,
I am applying for a renewal of my lay
licensing. I am still performing these duties and privileges for my
parish even though I am in seminary at this time. Each of these
licenses – as a Eucharistic Minister, Lay Preacher and Lay Reader,
are integral to my ministry in the St. David of Wales community.
As a Eucharistic Minister, I pass the
chalice during communion and accompany the rector on visitations. I
am deeply honored to be called by our Lord to nurture the communal
bonds of affection in our parish in this way. The benefits to my own
spiritual growth are multitude.
I am particularly moved in my calling
as a Lay Preacher. This gift is truly of God’s own making and the
discerning of community that He shares through me is born out of the
actions of community in mission and ministry.
I have made use of my license in Lay
Reading to offer prayer services and liturgical formation in our
congregations many times in the past. Among my proudest uses of this
ministry have been to offer Morning Prayer in conjunction with supply
priests while our own rector offered his expertise in the aftermath
of Hurricane Katrina. I have also used my training in this ministry
to assist in creating liturgies for use in the Sudanese Christian
Fellowship that meets in our parish. I hope to stand ready to offer
these services when I am able during my seminary formation as well.
The opportunity to explore my call to
priesthood through these ministries is a gift that was granted and
supported by my parish. The ability to continue to do so, even though
I am in school, is a gift to them in return.
Humbly,
Heather Lee
St. David of Wales Episcopal Church
Epiphany 2009
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