My therapist asked me the last time we met if I was good at politics. I used to think I was, but I'm having doubt. This isn't bad, it's just reassessment.
In the car this morning, Shannon said he was beginning to see how all the ways that I learned to manage my anxiety made me so preternaturally (his word) good at helping other people when they were anxious or in doubt. I figured this out a couple years ago, while in seminary, I think I had just forgotten it.
And, I'm thinking, the hyper-vigilance of other people's discomfort really is one of my super powers, but it is also, like, the opposite of politic.
I am thinking, I need to find the reasons that my committee and even Sara, made the right decision, even if for the wrong reasons, and then find the peace with that. The problem is I was so appalled by the framing of the situation to Sara's advantage that she was doing in the middle of the situation, that it feels like I am letting her version be true if I agree at all.
The problem is that, despite the fact that no one who matters to me (whether the powers (lol, I typed posers) that be matter is another question for another day) agrees with her assessment, I am still afraid it might be true.
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