Steadfast Love is yours O Lord

don't preach alot these days, but this was from last sunday. the most amazing blessed thing happened. father john had to explain to all the new faces why i was preaching-they didn't know me. h


“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.” For some of us, this election is payment for our deeds. For some of us who have worked towards civil rights, for a few years, for a few decades, since our birth, we feel as though God has blessed that work. Not because Democrins or Republicats have come into power, but because that which could never happen, a black man named Hussein, got elected and sworn into the White House.

Now I’ve been in the Bay Area, so I am sure that they are a little more crazy there than the rest of the country, but what I have seen there I have also seen on the television. A lot of people are acting like everything is going to be back to normal in no time flat. But that is too much hope and not enough reality talking. The truth is, no stimulus bailout tax-cut tax-hike cut across party lines is going to save us from the next few years. We will yet be repaid for our deeds. We will be repaid for our unchecked desire to make money and our collective illusion that Jay Leno is living a middle class lifestyle and I can too.

“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.”
Administrations come and go.
And yet, the Lord is still with us.
Christ is still with us.
The work is still with us. There is a lot of work to do.

We read a passage from Jonah today. And while it wasn’t my favorite part of Jonah’s tale, it is nevertheless, and entirely appropriate passage for us today. God sends Jonah across the face of the city crying “Repent! Turn back! Look what you are doing! This city is going to be undone!” Jonah may well be walking across our city, our country, even now. We see Jonah in situations where homes have been lost, jobs have been lost, savings have been lost. We hear Jonah in our own fear and uncertainty about our own security. None of us are exempt from either the fear or the blame. We have all benefited in the economic ponzi scheme of the last few decades. We have taken advantage of the unstable mortgages, either to buy our own homes or to build our retirement accounts from the bundling schemes. We have put our personal money into them, we have put our company’s money into them, we have put our government’s money into them and we have put our church’s money into them. We are in Ninevah, right now. Jonah is walking through the city.

So what can we do about it? Our story says that Ninevah repented and God relented. Now, the Scripture implies that the entire town of Ninevah repented. But I doubt it. God is a complete softie where we are concerned. Look at Noah. Look at Sodom. God turns his wrath for even the one. Does that mean that we here at St. David’s can pull out some sackcloth and ashes and this little band of the faithful can turn around the entire world economy? No. When we face the consequences of our actions, we get what God needs for us, not what we want for ourselves.

“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.”
We here at St. David’s have access to that steadfast love. We have faith in it. It gives us peace. We are no different than anyone else in the country right now. We worry about our jobs, our homes, our savings and retirement income. We worry about our children and their future. But in the midst of that fear, we also have release.

There are many who do not have that release. As we live out the next few years, people we know are going to see that release and they are going to ask why we are not afraid. We need to be ready to tell them. We need to be ready to help them.

Because when the hope is gone, when the change is imperfect, people will be in need, both in their physical lives and their spiritual lives. We have much work to do to be ready for them.

The present form of this world is passing away, Paul tells us. We don’t have the secret answers to what the new form will be, but we know that Christ is with us no matter what. When our deed is faith, and some days that is the hardest thing to do, we are repayed with Christ.

“Steadfast love is yours O Lord, for you repay everyone according to his deeds.”
So what does Christ have to offer us in today’s Gospel?

“As Jesus passed along the sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and Andrew casting nets in the sea-for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, Come follow me, I will make you fishers of men. And they went. A little ways off they say James and John, mending nets, for they too were fishermen. And Jesus called to them, Come follow me, and they did.”

We are all fishermen, from the highest to the lowest, we are all trying to feel safe in a large complicated world and we are all trying to keep our families safe. That fear made us greedy for security the sea does not offer. We are all in the same boat. Christian and non-Christian. Securities brokers and farm laborers. We are all in the same boat. We are all floating in the same sea.

What does Christ call us to do? Get out of the boat.

Christ invites us to stop trying to build our foundations on the sea, to stop trying to create safety in the ebb and flow of the tide, the chaos of life. When our safely is in God, even though financial markets will rise and fall, even though our lives will be easier some days, harder others, our emotions do not have to answer all of life’s difficult questions. We do not have to be the prime mover, the God, of our own lives, he can do the worrying and we can rest in the surety that whatever it is, it shall pass, however good it is, it is a gift. We can get out of the boat and stand on the land.

When Jesus called out, he did not say, The kingdom of God draws near-stand close to me. He said repent and believe in the Good News. He said, Come, I will make you fishers of men. What he did, was teach some people how to get onshore and immediately ask of them to turn around – do not head upland to safety- turn around and help someone else off the boat. We have the same responsibility to help people off the boat of uncertainty and fear as James and Simon. Sometimes that boat feels like a floaty ring in swimming pool and sometimes it feels like the Titanic, but the responsibility is the same.

We too have lost jobs and houses and savings. But we have our hope in Christ, not in the sea, not in ourselves. We were given to gift of safety, of peace. We have been led off the boat and we can, we must, give that gift to others. Amen.

January 8, 2009

Reflections for Discernment Committee

Seminary:

Seminary has been an interesting resolution of expectations and reality. I had this monastic vision of formation and discernment with lots of really practical, hands on sorts of work. I got regular old graduate school. After I got my philosophy degree, I chose not to continue with graduate work in that field because I didn’t feel that academic papers on abstract topics were going to be useful in “real life.” While I am pleased to find that I still know how to do academic research, it is still a soul sucking endeavor with little to recommend.

There has been an expectation of visiting many different churches for the first year. I have found this extremely difficult. I very much have a vision of church that involves doing the work in front of you in your local parish, as neighborhood, and then doing other work, in my case at the diocesan level, but it could be other things, that expand that circle of mission and ministry. I am not much for church shopping-I don’t have a list. Even in the process that led us to the Episcopal Church, there wasn’t an overt list; such as I want a good children’s program, Eucharistic liturgy, or fulfilling mission. I wanted something that was near where I live. I wanted something that felt authentic, such an overused word, and something that is very important to me- I wanted to feel like I could actually go to the church with my problems. (When I am being silly, a perfect church is reflected in the Cheers theme song. Look up the whole lyrics, they are actually hilarious.)

Lay License Renewal Letter

Haven't seen the license come back yet. Hoping it is at the parish.

I am applying for a renewal of my lay licensing. I am still performing these duties and privileges for my parish even though I am in seminary at this time. Each of these licenses – as a Eucharistic Minister, Lay Preacher and Lay Reader, are integral to my ministry in the St. David of Wales community.

As a Eucharistic Minister, I pass the chalice during communion and accompany the rector on visitations. I am deeply honored to be called by our Lord to nurture the communal bonds of affection in our parish in this way. The benefits to my own spiritual growth are multitude.

I am particularly moved in my calling as a Lay Preacher. This gift is truly of God’s own making and the discerning of community that He shares through me is born out of the actions of community in mission and ministry.

I have made use of my license in Lay Reading to offer prayer services and liturgical formation in our congregations many times in the past. Among my proudest uses of this ministry have been to offer Morning Prayer in conjunction with supply priests while our own rector offered his expertise in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I have also used my training in this ministry to assist in creating liturgies for use in the Sudanese Christian Fellowship that meets in our parish. I hope to stand ready to offer these services when I am able during my seminary formation as well.

The opportunity to explore my call to priesthood through these ministries is a gift that was granted and supported by my parish. The ability to continue to do so, even though I am in school, is a gift to them in return.

Humbly,



Heather Lee
St. David of Wales Episcopal Church
Epiphany 2009

January 6, 2009

(no reply to this letter)

January 6, 2009

Assisting Bishop ---

11800 SW Military Lane

Portland, OR 97219

Dear Bishop ---,

I am applying for a renewal of my lay licensing. I am still performing these duties and privileges for my parish even though I am in seminary at this time. Each of these licenses – as a Eucharistic Minister, Lay Preacher and Lay Reader, are integral to my ministry in the St. David of Wales community.

As a Eucharistic Minister, I pass the chalice during communion and accompany the rector on visitations. I am deeply honored to be called by our Lord to nurture the communal bonds of affection in our parish in this way. The benefits to my own spiritual growth are multitude.

I am particularly moved in my calling as a Lay Preacher. This gift is truly of God’s own making and the discerning of community that He shares through me is born out of the actions of community in mission and ministry.

I have made use of my license in Lay Reading to offer prayer services and liturgical formation in our congregations many times in the past. Among my proudest uses of this ministry have been to offer Morning Prayer in conjunction with supply priests while our own rector offered his expertise in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I have also used my training in this ministry to assist in creating liturgies for use in the Sudanese Christian Fellowship that meets in our parish. I hope to stand ready to offer these services when I am able during my seminary formation as well.

The opportunity to explore my call to priesthood through these ministries is a gift that was granted and supported by my parish. The ability to continue to do so, even though I am in school, is a gift to them in return.

Humbly,

Heather Lee

St. David of Wales Episcopal Church

Epiphany 2009

Prayers for Teresa de Avila Feast

This is the first prayers of the people I ever wrote. It was for the bilingual service in chapel. I was in the midst of getting it translated into Spanish when I found out that English was ok. There is something both powerful and difficult about writing prayers. I think that this was a pretty good first attempt, but I think that it could do with a class, rather than a handout for instruction. It would be an excellent lay ministry for people gifted in liturgical language.

As we follow Teresa de Avila’s example of mystical prayer. Let us respond to her wisdom saying, “God alone is enough.” or “Solo Dios Basta.”

Nada te turbe. I ask your prayers for the holy catholic church, for all who seek unity and all who cannot find it.

Silence.
Let nothing disturb you; “Solo Dios Basta.”

Nada te espante. I ask your prayers for this nation, for the leaders to come and those who will go.

Silence.
Let nothing frighten you; “Solo Dios Basta.”

Todo se pasa. I ask your prayers for the world, for the good green earth and the people who inhabit it.

Silence.
All things are passing away; “Solo Dios Basta.”

Dios no se muda. I ask your prayers for this community, for the safety of its members and compassion for its enemies.

Silence.
God never changes; “Solo Dios Basta.”

La pacientia todo lo alcanza. I ask prayers for the suffering, for all who are in physical pain and all who are in spiritual pain. Pray especially for….

Silence.
Patience obtains all things. “Solo Dios Basta.”

Quien a Dios tiene nada la falta. I ask your prayers for the departed, for saints known and unknown. Pray especially for St. Teresa de Avila, Doctor of the Church, and for …

Silence.
Whoever has God lacks nothing. “Solo Dios Basta.”

Collect
Almighty God, who never changes: Grant peace in our hearts and patience in our lives that, through your Holy Spirit, we may lack for nothing like your saint, Teresa de Avila. This we ask through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

The Bush

I keep waiting for the sermon I needed to hear the Sunday after the Stock Market crashed. I have been to a Eucharist 4 times since then, and I still haven't heard what I needed to hear. So I got annoyed and decided to write one for myself. I went looking for the lectionary readings and this was the alternate reading for that Sunday, September 21, 208. We got some pap about manna, which wasn't really helpful for the sense of agitated fear combined with the sense that this is probably what should be happening, given the crazed financial schemes we have been profiting from for the last decade or so. I think this was so appropriate that the sermon may have been sucessful simply as a re-read of this.

I offer it up, if anyone is still catching the dribbles that fall from this blog, as The Word of The Lord.

Jonah 3:10-4:11

When God saw what the people of Nineveh did, how they turned from their evil ways, God changed his mind about the calamity that he had said he would bring upon them; and he did not do it.

But this was very displeasing to Jonah, and he became angry. He prayed to the LORD and said, "O LORD! Is not this what I said while I was still in my own country? That is why I fled to Tarshish at the beginning; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and ready to relent from punishing. And now, O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live." And the LORD said, "Is it right for you to be angry?" Then Jonah went out of the city and sat down east of the city, and made a booth for himself there. He sat under it in the shade, waiting to see what would become of the city.

The LORD God appointed a bush, and made it come up over Jonah, to give shade over his head, to save him from his discomfort; so Jonah was very happy about the bush. But when dawn came up the next day, God appointed a worm that attacked the bush, so that it withered. When the sun rose, God prepared a sultry east wind, and the sun beat down on the head of Jonah so that he was faint and asked that he might die. He said, "It is better for me to die than to live."

But God said to Jonah, "Is it right for you to be angry about the bush?" And he said, "Yes, angry enough to die." Then the LORD said, "You are concerned about the bush, for which you did not labor and which you did not grow; it came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should I not be concerned about Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also many animals?"

September 20, 2008

Greetings,

I am pleased to report to you that schooling at this time continues to be where the Holy Spirit needs me, and my family, to be. We have settled into this life with remarkably little difficulty. (That said, I am indeed procrastinating a paper this very moment.) 

As for Shannon, his work continues, and he has been interviewing with some other companies. He is in no danger of losing his job, but the nature of his career is such that he is always aware of the possibility of new opportunities.

The children have blossomed here. Due to my own class schedule, this secretly over-protective mother had to teach them to walk home from school by themselves three days a week. After some heart stopping anxiety, and the purchasing of watches, I am so pleased with the initiative and joy they take in this responsibility. It does not hurt matters that they have charmed several shopkeepers along the way and that they are able to walk through the north-west corner of the UC Berkeley campus. In case you have never had the pleasure of wandering through the campus, that particular corner is home to a nicely maintained stream, replete with small minnows, creeping creatures and crawfish. There is a crawfish living in a mixing bowl on my kitchen counter right now. I have asked that he be released back into his home tomorrow. Francis has begun clarinet lessons at school. She has an innate musical talent that neither her father nor I possess. I must remind myself to honor that, and pay for more lessons. My son, my stubborn young man, has discovered the adventurer in himself. He is continually offering up new things to try and explore. It has been a living example of the faith of a mustard seed. For I had little faith in his ability and so he had none for himself. A sprinkling of water has yielded fruit neither of us knew was there.

My own assimilation is somewhat more complex, but in that strange way that abundant blessings can bring about a flush of guilt. I have so many people holding me up in prayer and seeing the potential of my ministry that I have commented to one lovely woman that I wonder that any work is getting done. I have met many people that hold a conviction of their ministry in their hearts, but I have heard no other story like my own; that it feels like half a diocese is holding that conviction as well. Part of our orientation group work was to consider and address all that we have left behind to be here. I don't feel that I have left anything behind. I feel like the Verizon guy, with a whole network walking around right behind me, making sure that God can "hear me now." I wonder what that must feel like, to feel isolated and alone. And I have certainly had those feelings, but even though I am not here with the bishops blessing,I know that in their proper time, like next spring, those details will resolve.  I know many other people who are here with that blessing, even someone from our own diocese, who does not seem to have her own Verizon network. Still, I feel no pride in this, for I know this is the way for me because my faith is too weak to do it any other way.

I have other horns of plenty as well. I am bringing a wealth, for a seminarian, of liturgical practice. I have been in 4 diocese and 5 parishes, plus several other parishes I visited once either while searching, or invited by friends or for some liturgical celebration. I have been blessed with a small parish and a generous clergy and laity who have always been open to my desire and need to explore the liturgy. I have truly been given a gift of the prayer book and a directive, "if it doesn't say no, ok." combined with the theological underpinnings of the various ways I have tried or wanted to try church. And the Lay Preaching School. Jim Belt may be bathing in the tears I cried, but I know liturgical posture (the technical term we learned today) and I know why it matters and I have had it ground into my bodily memory. I would never have been able to get through that learning in this environment. It is not the safely of a mother's womb, although some have tried to explain seminary as that safe place. 

And if that wasn't enough, I have a place in the larger life of the diocese. That I have been invited or allowed to attend convention and various seminars and conferences around the diocese is a true blessing. I have met and connected with people from farther afield than my own parish and I have an honest understanding of the uniqueness of St. David's, and of any individual parish in the context of a larger diocesan church.  The work that has become my passion with the Commission to End Racism in our diocese has broadened the scope and breadth of my understanding of the work of the church. We do not sustain without liturgy, but liturgy is not the only work of the church either. The interfaith dialogues that I have had, and the ecumenical friendships that I have made engaging in Daybreak Ministries and the Southeast Portland Interfaith Bible Day Camp have only contributed to the broader Christianity that I practice and have served to underscore the uniqueness of the Anglican Tradition. 

Without all of this, I would have no sense of my call in the context of Christ's church and how that is different than simply feeling called by God for something. Without all of these experiences I don't know how I would have been able to discern that I am called to rally the troops more than to lead the battle, so to speak. Without all of these experiences, I wouldn't be so clear that what God is building in me is a compassionate leader to soothe and build up and challenge the christians in their community, to give them the push out the door to do God's work. I don't have the strength of will or character to be a deacon, when it comes right down to it. As much as I love to immerse myself in the rubber meets the road ministry, it eats me right up. And that is a sad thing to admit, because I want to be the kind of person that does the work. I think a priest is more like the scared kid who is holding the flag, however. And as I sheepishly pointed out the other day, my talent is standing in the front of the crowd and looking like I know what I am doing. 

It is getting late into the evening, and I have scheduled myself a workshop for most of tomorrow on something that I think will be of benefit to our diocese, a discussion of latino spirituality and worship by The Rev. Anthony Guillen, staff officer for Latino Ministries in the Episcopal Church. And there is still that paper to write.

Ellen and I spoke, last month, about in informal meeting for us at her house on Saturday evening, the 27th. I will be in town for the next Seeing the Face of God in Each Other training. If some arranging went on about that possibility, I would love to see everyone, even for just a brief visit.

Blessings Abundant,

heather lee