Interim letter from my first committee
Dear Heather,
First, we want to thank you again for sharing your story and call with
us. It is an honor to be able to hear the ways God is and has worked
in your life. As a discernment group we are very new. We are new to
each other and some of us are new to the process of discernment as
well. After each session with you we meet as a committee to talk
about our process and each time we are learning more about how to
better understand and serve you in this process of listening to the
Spirit's call.
We wanted to share with you some of the thoughts we had following
last week's meeting regarding our group process. First, we wanted a
slight shift from "deciding whether or not you are called to the
priesthood" to a more open space where we can help you question and
listen to the Spirit's call in a more open way. This is not in any
way to say that we do not think you are called to the priesthood, it
only means that we wanted to back track and allow you to more openly
approach this sense of call with us.
Second, we felt that we were all feeling hesitant to talk about areas
that may be a challenge for you. We want to create a space such that
when those issues arise (and as we are all human and have challenges
they will arise) that we could lovingly help you examine those
areas. Again, we want to stress that these thoughts are not in
question of your call but are rather our feelings about how the group
process could better serve you to hear the voice and direction of God.
We are sending you this letter to be transparent about the time we
spend together after you have left our meeting and to give you some
understanding of what drives our questions or comments in the group.
We also are interested in hearing from you about what would be most
helpful in the meetings we have remaining to better hear or understand
God's call for you.
Thank you for your patience with our "newness" and for sharing your
beautiful soul with us!
The Discernment Committee
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
May 1, 2008
Email to a friend - turns out I was right.
yesterday in the kitchen, I had this clear imaging of sitting in front of the new bishop (whomever that is) and being asked, why should I deploy you anywhere, you don't have any experience of a growing church. And I said, who else do you have that so compassionately understands a dying church? And I thought, Oh Lord, what if my call is to close churches so that others can be born? That is going to be about as popular as Judas on a Friday.
yesterday in the kitchen, I had this clear imaging of sitting in front of the new bishop (whomever that is) and being asked, why should I deploy you anywhere, you don't have any experience of a growing church. And I said, who else do you have that so compassionately understands a dying church? And I thought, Oh Lord, what if my call is to close churches so that others can be born? That is going to be about as popular as Judas on a Friday.
Monday, April 28, 2008
April 28, 2008
To all of the parishioners at Holy Spirit, Sutherlin:
(First, I want to say hello again to Donna and Margo and all the other wonderful ladies I met from Holy Spirit at the Women’s Spirituality Day. It was wonderful to meet you and I am really looking forward to the chance to get to know you all better.)
A little bit of biographical data about me. My name is Heather Michele Schwebach Lee (I go by Heather Lee) and I am 35 years old. I have 2 children, a daughter Francis (10) and a son Simon (8). I have been married to (Allen) Shannon Lee for almost 13 years and he is currently living in San Francisco while we financially prepare to pay for seminary without incurring student loans. I have a BS in philosophy from Portland State University and graduated in 2001.
I have been an Episcopalian since 2002 and have attended parishes in four diocese (three were in CA in the course of 2 years.) I am canonically resident in the Diocese of Oregon and have been a member at St. David’s since 2004.
St. David’s is a small congregation. I have been blessed by spending so much of my formative time with this loving and supportive group of Christians. I have been able to experience as many aspects of ministry as I have wanted or needed as I explored a call to the priesthood. Consequently, I am an acolyte and chalice bearer, a lay reader and preacher and a regular contributor to the monthly newsletter. I have helped create liturgies for the Easter season and I am most proud of having helped the Sudanese Fellowship Mission create a liturgy that is Anglican in nature but a joy and comfort for those from a non-liturgical background as well.
I love the supportive, familial nature of small parishes, however, I am aware that without the overarching support of a diocese, many opportunities for small congregational ministries would be lost. Consequently, I am an active member of my convocation, attending Convention as a delegate for the last 2 years, and an alternate the year before. I am also part of a team of Metro-East Convocation Youth Leaders who sponsor and support an ecumenical summer camp for children in Southeast Portland each year.
Of special note is my role as a Trainer for the Anti-Racism Commission here in the Diocese of Oregon. I feel particularly blessed that God has called me to do this work and I have been given many opportunities to draw on organizational skills I knew I had. God has also opened up avenues of personal growth in public speaking and leadership that I did not know were in me.
As for my current plans, I am in discernment now and hope to attend Vocations Conference next spring. I am entering seminary this fall because this is the path that has opened up for my family. It is my hope, after seminary and the ordination process, that I will be able to serve in a small parish outside the Portland metro area, however, God’s plan generally unfolds in it’s own time.
I hope that this letter provides a quick background on me. I am always available to answer any specific questions that might arise. Please feel free to contact me; Donna Anderson has my contact information and I am giving her permission to share it with anyone who would like it.
Peace,
heather lee
st david of wales, portland
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Neverland
from Easter 6, RCL - year A
Do we remember the commandments?
Do we remember that the Holy Spirit is our defense?
Do we remember very often that God required a leap of faith to mature us as Christians – as the whole Church?
It is easy to believe that tradition requires constancy from us. It is easy to say that we ‘live and move and have our being’ in God, but to really do so in the furnishings of our Anglican tradition. It is easy to claim that we have found our “2nd star on the right and straight on ‘til morning” path to heaven.
But where do those directions actually take us? These are Peter Pan’s directions to Neverland. Neverland is where we remain children forever. Neverland is where we find the comforts and constancies of childhood. Neverland would appear to be a perfect representation of heaven. After all, were we not admonished to have faith like little children?
Yes, but we weren’t told to act like them.
Neverland isn’t heaven. It isn’t a taste of the kingdom of God. Neverland is really just more of the same – all the jealously, the anger, the hurt and the longings of real life, but with less coping skills. Neverland is life without the possibility for change.
Now, I think very few people actually confuse Neverland with Heaven but I think that a lot of us are confusing it with the Church. Most of us, individually and corporately think we are preserving, with our buildings and traditions and interpretations of Scripture, a perfect slice of God’s kingdom. We think we are creating something set aside, something sacred, in the world. And we are so sure this is the case that we can no longer see through our smells nor hear through our bells that the world we have created ‘in here’ is exactly like the world ‘out there’ but with less coping skills.
And that is the saddest thing of all. Because we have those coping skills but they are like the alarm clock in the alligator. We are so afraid of that alligator, that leap of faith and imagination to truly envision the Kingdom of God here on earth, that we cannot snatch the clock back, we cannot allow ourselves to grow up.
What if we want to, though? How do we escape our Neverland? How do we start creating God’s Kingdom on Earth instead of echoing what has happened to God’s creation in microcosm?
Exit Peter Pan, stage left. Enter Jesus Christ, stage right. Because it is true that Jesus told us to have faith like little children in the Father. But, he has fundamentally altered the parent-child relationship. We have been invited to have a different relationship with God than Moses had with Him. The burning bush was scary and said, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Through Christ, we get to grow up. Now the Father is approachable because our big brother has softened Him up a bit, and our Father can now say, “I raised you right, use your best judgment, and if it doesn’t work, I will forgive you and we will figure it out together.”
How can we believe in that freedom and that forgiveness? We can believe in that forgiveness because when our best effort meant we killed Jesus, God forgave us and used it as an example forever. We can believe in that freedom because we are not alone as we sometimes imagine. We have an Advocate, whom we can hear when we are following the commandments, Love God first. Love your neighbor with the same care you give yourself.
What should we do with this freedom and forgiveness? We could create a Neverland, a place no different than the world of hopelessness around us. We could fear change and cling to tradition. We could argue over who owns the buildings, who is allowed to be God’s child, and start wars over the correct interpretation of such phrases as “the atonement by the sanctification of the most precious body and blood of our Savior Jesus Christ.” As long as we fight each other instead of the despair of the world, we show the world that we have no peace to offer. We can create this Neverland because we are the adult children of God. We have been left to our best devices – if we will choose to use them.
Do we remember the commandments?
Do we remember that the Holy Spirit is our defense?
Do we remember very often that God required a leap of faith to mature us as Christians – as the whole Church?
These are our defenses. These are our devices. These are what build the Kingdom of God as a light in the darkness of despair instead of Neverland.
What if we embraced the commandments? What if we started every meeting not with a recitation of minutes but a reading of the Parable of the Good Samaritan? What if we really took to heart St. Peter’s admonition that “it is better to suffer for doing good, if suffering is God’s will, than to suffer for doing evil?” Peter Pan believed if you ignored it, it would go away, but we know this to be false. Suffering will continue to exist because that is our growing edge, and because that is part of accepting the consequences of an adult relationship with God.
But if we choose, daily, to be God’s representative in the middle of human despair, if we choose, daily, to take that leap of faith, then not only will we be following the commandments, not only will we have received the Holy Spirit, but people will be drawn to us. And if we choose, daily, to be present to God’s people, then we will be able to answer them when they ask, “why are you doing this for me?”
Our defense, our testimony, is, in the end, all we have to give. It is fashionable to call it a faith story, but that is misleading. A story is something we make up. A story will lead us to Neverland. Defense is no better, because a defense is an excuse, a justification in the face of wrongdoing. We are not wrongdoing. The Kingdom of God will not come about through legislation; it will not come about through soup kitchens and homeless shelters. We do not need to leave Neverland to vote and none think they are hungry in Neverland, but they starve all the same. Because what humans are looking for cannot be found in stories or excuses, but only in God. Only in God do we have testimony; only in God do we have truth. The truth that feeds the soul, that faces the despair, that creates the relationships that build the true Kingdom of God.
Remember the commandments.
Remember that the Holy Spirit is our defense.
Remember that God required a leap of faith to mature us as Christians – as the whole Church.
Amen.
Do we remember the commandments?
Do we remember that the Holy Spirit is our defense?
Do we remember very often that God required a leap of faith to mature us as Christians – as the whole Church?
It is easy to believe that tradition requires constancy from us. It is easy to say that we ‘live and move and have our being’ in God, but to really do so in the furnishings of our Anglican tradition. It is easy to claim that we have found our “2nd star on the right and straight on ‘til morning” path to heaven.
But where do those directions actually take us? These are Peter Pan’s directions to Neverland. Neverland is where we remain children forever. Neverland is where we find the comforts and constancies of childhood. Neverland would appear to be a perfect representation of heaven. After all, were we not admonished to have faith like little children?
Yes, but we weren’t told to act like them.
Neverland isn’t heaven. It isn’t a taste of the kingdom of God. Neverland is really just more of the same – all the jealously, the anger, the hurt and the longings of real life, but with less coping skills. Neverland is life without the possibility for change.
Now, I think very few people actually confuse Neverland with Heaven but I think that a lot of us are confusing it with the Church. Most of us, individually and corporately think we are preserving, with our buildings and traditions and interpretations of Scripture, a perfect slice of God’s kingdom. We think we are creating something set aside, something sacred, in the world. And we are so sure this is the case that we can no longer see through our smells nor hear through our bells that the world we have created ‘in here’ is exactly like the world ‘out there’ but with less coping skills.
And that is the saddest thing of all. Because we have those coping skills but they are like the alarm clock in the alligator. We are so afraid of that alligator, that leap of faith and imagination to truly envision the Kingdom of God here on earth, that we cannot snatch the clock back, we cannot allow ourselves to grow up.
What if we want to, though? How do we escape our Neverland? How do we start creating God’s Kingdom on Earth instead of echoing what has happened to God’s creation in microcosm?
Exit Peter Pan, stage left. Enter Jesus Christ, stage right. Because it is true that Jesus told us to have faith like little children in the Father. But, he has fundamentally altered the parent-child relationship. We have been invited to have a different relationship with God than Moses had with Him. The burning bush was scary and said, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Through Christ, we get to grow up. Now the Father is approachable because our big brother has softened Him up a bit, and our Father can now say, “I raised you right, use your best judgment, and if it doesn’t work, I will forgive you and we will figure it out together.”
How can we believe in that freedom and that forgiveness? We can believe in that forgiveness because when our best effort meant we killed Jesus, God forgave us and used it as an example forever. We can believe in that freedom because we are not alone as we sometimes imagine. We have an Advocate, whom we can hear when we are following the commandments, Love God first. Love your neighbor with the same care you give yourself.
What should we do with this freedom and forgiveness? We could create a Neverland, a place no different than the world of hopelessness around us. We could fear change and cling to tradition. We could argue over who owns the buildings, who is allowed to be God’s child, and start wars over the correct interpretation of such phrases as “the atonement by the sanctification of the most precious body and blood of our Savior Jesus Christ.” As long as we fight each other instead of the despair of the world, we show the world that we have no peace to offer. We can create this Neverland because we are the adult children of God. We have been left to our best devices – if we will choose to use them.
Do we remember the commandments?
Do we remember that the Holy Spirit is our defense?
Do we remember very often that God required a leap of faith to mature us as Christians – as the whole Church?
These are our defenses. These are our devices. These are what build the Kingdom of God as a light in the darkness of despair instead of Neverland.
What if we embraced the commandments? What if we started every meeting not with a recitation of minutes but a reading of the Parable of the Good Samaritan? What if we really took to heart St. Peter’s admonition that “it is better to suffer for doing good, if suffering is God’s will, than to suffer for doing evil?” Peter Pan believed if you ignored it, it would go away, but we know this to be false. Suffering will continue to exist because that is our growing edge, and because that is part of accepting the consequences of an adult relationship with God.
But if we choose, daily, to be God’s representative in the middle of human despair, if we choose, daily, to take that leap of faith, then not only will we be following the commandments, not only will we have received the Holy Spirit, but people will be drawn to us. And if we choose, daily, to be present to God’s people, then we will be able to answer them when they ask, “why are you doing this for me?”
Our defense, our testimony, is, in the end, all we have to give. It is fashionable to call it a faith story, but that is misleading. A story is something we make up. A story will lead us to Neverland. Defense is no better, because a defense is an excuse, a justification in the face of wrongdoing. We are not wrongdoing. The Kingdom of God will not come about through legislation; it will not come about through soup kitchens and homeless shelters. We do not need to leave Neverland to vote and none think they are hungry in Neverland, but they starve all the same. Because what humans are looking for cannot be found in stories or excuses, but only in God. Only in God do we have testimony; only in God do we have truth. The truth that feeds the soul, that faces the despair, that creates the relationships that build the true Kingdom of God.
Remember the commandments.
Remember that the Holy Spirit is our defense.
Remember that God required a leap of faith to mature us as Christians – as the whole Church.
Amen.
Friday, April 25, 2008
The Joy of Old Friends
There are no friends like old friends, or so the saying goes. They have seen you at your worst and still like you. They have seen you at your best and are not jealous. They know your stories and are excited for the latest update; how your spouse is doing, how old the children are, what you are working on now. Don’t get me wrong, I like new friends too, but the old friends keep us connected to our lives.
I have had the great fortune of being away from many of my friends for the last year. It didn’t feel fortunate at the time but that is precisely the point. By being removed from our comfortable places, we get the jolt we need to reevaluate the decisions that we have made. You know the ones, they nag in the back of the mind. The ones we may have made in anger or in haste. By experiencing discomfort, it could be the result of moving to a new town or even a death of a loved one, we get a second chance to look at our lives and perhaps, correct the course.
God calls to us to keep faith, to keep community. Our relationships are what ground us, our friends are what remind us, that our God is found in the ties that bind us, one to another. Jesus was trying to get us to expand the length and increase the quantity of those ties, because, through God, we are capable of compassion and friendship with people we think we can’t like, that we have become angry with, that are different from us.
If you’ve had a jolt lately, like me, I encourage you to try looking for the blessing, the opportunity to reevaluate those things that are nagging you. But most especially, I encourage you to look up an old friend and say, “Hi.” To all of you that I have missed and have missed me, it’s good to be back and I am glad to see you.
I have had the great fortune of being away from many of my friends for the last year. It didn’t feel fortunate at the time but that is precisely the point. By being removed from our comfortable places, we get the jolt we need to reevaluate the decisions that we have made. You know the ones, they nag in the back of the mind. The ones we may have made in anger or in haste. By experiencing discomfort, it could be the result of moving to a new town or even a death of a loved one, we get a second chance to look at our lives and perhaps, correct the course.
God calls to us to keep faith, to keep community. Our relationships are what ground us, our friends are what remind us, that our God is found in the ties that bind us, one to another. Jesus was trying to get us to expand the length and increase the quantity of those ties, because, through God, we are capable of compassion and friendship with people we think we can’t like, that we have become angry with, that are different from us.
If you’ve had a jolt lately, like me, I encourage you to try looking for the blessing, the opportunity to reevaluate those things that are nagging you. But most especially, I encourage you to look up an old friend and say, “Hi.” To all of you that I have missed and have missed me, it’s good to be back and I am glad to see you.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Intro to a new sponsoring parish
Well, this post is a year late. No Vocations this year. Probably not next year either. Bishop and Priest both changed this year. Also, not looking good on the no seminary debt front, but if I hadn't thought it possible, I might never have talked myself into going. 5/24/09
To all of the parishioners at Holy Spirit, Sutherlin:
(First, I want to say hello again to Donna and Margo and all the other wonderful ladies I met from Holy Spirit at the Women’s Spirituality Day. It was wonderful to meet you and I am really looking forward to the chance to get to know you all better.)
A little bit of biographical data about me. My name is Heather Michele Schwebach Lee (I go by Heather Lee) and I am 35 years old. I have 2 children, a daughter Francis (10) and a son Simon (8). I have been married to (Allen) Shannon Lee for almost 13 years and he is currently living in San Francisco while we financially prepare to pay for seminary without incurring student loans. I have a BS in philosophy from Portland State University and graduated in 2001.
I have been an Episcopalian since 2002 and have attended parishes in four diocese (three were in CA in the course of 2 years.) I am canonically resident in the Diocese of Oregon and have been a member at St. David’s since 2004.
St. David’s is a small congregation. I have been blessed by spending so much of my formative time with this loving and supportive group of Christians. I have been able to experience as many aspects of ministry as I have wanted or needed as I explored a call to the priesthood. Consequently, I am an acolyte and chalice bearer, a lay reader and preacher and a regular contributor to the monthly newsletter. I have helped create liturgies for the Easter season and I am most proud of having helped the Sudanese Fellowship Mission create a liturgy that is Anglican in nature but a joy and comfort for those from a non-liturgical background as well.
I love the supportive, familial nature of small parishes, however, I am aware that without the overarching support of a diocese, many opportunities for small congregational ministries would be lost. Consequently, I am an active member of my convocation, attending Convention as a delegate for the last 2 years, and an alternate the year before. I am also part of a team of Metro-East Convocation Youth Leaders who sponsor and support an ecumenical summer camp for children in Southeast Portland each year.
Of special note is my role as a Trainer for the Anti-Racism Commission here in the Diocese of Oregon. I feel particularly blessed that God has called me to do this work and I have been given many opportunities to draw on organizational skills I knew I had. God has also opened up avenues of personal growth in public speaking and leadership that I did not know were in me.
As for my current plans, I am in discernment now and hope to attend Vocations Conference next spring. I am entering seminary this fall because this is the path that has opened up for my family. It is my hope, after seminary and the ordination process, that I will be able to serve in a small parish outside the Portland metro area, however, God’s plan generally unfolds in it’s own time.
I hope that this letter provides a quick background on me. I am always available to answer any specific questions that might arise. Please feel free to contact me; Donna Anderson has my contact information and I am giving her permission to share it with anyone who would like it.
Peace,
heather lee
st david of wales, portland
To all of the parishioners at Holy Spirit, Sutherlin:
(First, I want to say hello again to Donna and Margo and all the other wonderful ladies I met from Holy Spirit at the Women’s Spirituality Day. It was wonderful to meet you and I am really looking forward to the chance to get to know you all better.)
A little bit of biographical data about me. My name is Heather Michele Schwebach Lee (I go by Heather Lee) and I am 35 years old. I have 2 children, a daughter Francis (10) and a son Simon (8). I have been married to (Allen) Shannon Lee for almost 13 years and he is currently living in San Francisco while we financially prepare to pay for seminary without incurring student loans. I have a BS in philosophy from Portland State University and graduated in 2001.
I have been an Episcopalian since 2002 and have attended parishes in four diocese (three were in CA in the course of 2 years.) I am canonically resident in the Diocese of Oregon and have been a member at St. David’s since 2004.
St. David’s is a small congregation. I have been blessed by spending so much of my formative time with this loving and supportive group of Christians. I have been able to experience as many aspects of ministry as I have wanted or needed as I explored a call to the priesthood. Consequently, I am an acolyte and chalice bearer, a lay reader and preacher and a regular contributor to the monthly newsletter. I have helped create liturgies for the Easter season and I am most proud of having helped the Sudanese Fellowship Mission create a liturgy that is Anglican in nature but a joy and comfort for those from a non-liturgical background as well.
I love the supportive, familial nature of small parishes, however, I am aware that without the overarching support of a diocese, many opportunities for small congregational ministries would be lost. Consequently, I am an active member of my convocation, attending Convention as a delegate for the last 2 years, and an alternate the year before. I am also part of a team of Metro-East Convocation Youth Leaders who sponsor and support an ecumenical summer camp for children in Southeast Portland each year.
Of special note is my role as a Trainer for the Anti-Racism Commission here in the Diocese of Oregon. I feel particularly blessed that God has called me to do this work and I have been given many opportunities to draw on organizational skills I knew I had. God has also opened up avenues of personal growth in public speaking and leadership that I did not know were in me.
As for my current plans, I am in discernment now and hope to attend Vocations Conference next spring. I am entering seminary this fall because this is the path that has opened up for my family. It is my hope, after seminary and the ordination process, that I will be able to serve in a small parish outside the Portland metro area, however, God’s plan generally unfolds in it’s own time.
I hope that this letter provides a quick background on me. I am always available to answer any specific questions that might arise. Please feel free to contact me; Donna Anderson has my contact information and I am giving her permission to share it with anyone who would like it.
Peace,
heather lee
st david of wales, portland
Saturday, February 9, 2008
February 9, 2008
Admission Letter - Not sure why I have all the drafts of things and not the final copies.
CDSP is the culmination of 5 years of doubts, questions and fears. The first time the idea even crossed my mind that I, too, could attend a seminary was during the 2003 General Convention. Sadly, it wasn’t even my idea. My husband informed me that I should stop yelling at NPR and just go to seminary already.
I put seminary out of my mind and instead got more involved in my parish. If there was a need for shelter coordinators, I stepped up. If there was an opening in the rotation for acolytes, I learned how. When an opportunity arose to learn to preach, I cried my way through my fears of public speaking and learned to do that too. As I learned that I was exceptionally talented at things that I certainly had never exhibited talent in before I began to wonder if seminary would actually get in the way of those talents. Having spent so many tears on relearning to see myself, why mess with a good thing?
Eventually, it became clear that I was exploring the call to ordination. I had to start rethinking seminary, since seminary was a huge part of the package. In fact, I am still working on that call. God willing, this education will be put to use building bridges between Christ and the people I minister to now.
That isn’t why I am ready to go to seminary now. That is why I need to go to seminary, eventually.
I have reached the limits of self-directed study. I have reached a place where I am ready to start breaking down and rebuilding what I know of my own faith, of the historic Christian faith, and the faith of others outside Christianity. It is the convergence of those three sets that makes CDSP my school of choice.
My own faith has been the concrete faith of childhood, the anger of disillusioned youth and the convoluted musing of philosophers. New aspects of faith that I hope to nurture and expand at CDSP include the notion of truth that is not fact, and the faith of the child that Paul speaks of, that of trust in the face of uncertainty.
My spiritual upbringing in the Baptist tradition has often left me on half built bridges of my own making. The belief that the individual conscience is an accurate indicator of the inspiration of the Holy Spirit belies the tradition of the Apostolic Church recorded in the New Testament. However, a little bit of church history, which I did not receive in that tradition, has made it clear how and why the tradition evolved. I want to know more about the various permutations that the Church has manifested. I want to encourage the current rise in unity between denominations that is currently manifesting in the American landscape. Only knowledge, which leads to understanding, can make that possible. That CDSP is part of that unity makes it particularly desirable.
Lastly, people have found many ways to span the gap between God and themselves. While I have my reasons for thinking that Christ will be the penultimate way in which God breaches that divide, other bridges have much to teach us about our own historic choices in permeating His Gospel in the world. Evangelism happens one changed life touching one other life at a time, and it can never take hold with honesty and integrity when it does not respect the ways in which each life has crossed the span between God and self. Monotheism is not monolithic. Each of us has a personal revelation of God and it is a varied as life itself.
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